The Do-Over

Finding the right fit

Rachel Fairbank
By Rachel Fairbank
April 1, 2017

The summer before my senior year of high school, I worked in a developmental genetics lab at Cornell University, where I screened for mutations suppressing the sma-9(cc604) mutation in the nematode Caenorhabditis elegans. My adviser was a brand-new faculty member and optimistic enough to give a chance to a lost and confused high-school student. After the summer ended, I continued to work in the lab. Its culture of learning and questioning filled a need in me.

As these experiments progressed, I remained lost and confused about my life. Research offered escape from a difficult family situation and challenged me on an intellectual level. Although close, research was not the perfect fit. My search had not yet ended.

As a college freshman, I chose music as a major. At age 21, I changed my major to biology. Throughout this time, I continued working in the genetics lab. Before I knew it, I’d put in seven years, a period during which I watched the hard work of an entire lab grind toward a pathway describing cell-fate specification decisions in a C. elegans cell lineage. 

Eventually, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in biology and headed to the wilds of Texas for a Ph.D. program in developmental biology at Baylor College of Medicine. At age 26, crippled with anxiety resulting from an accident, I dropped out of graduate school, leaving research behind. At 29, I entered graduate school again, this time in creative writing at the University of Houston.  

At 30, I finally found my vocation: science writing.  

In a little while, I’m set to graduate with an MFA in creative writing. During these years, as I wrote my first full draft of a book and started my first science-writing job, I’ve had the time to reflect on my decisions. Some days, when I think about all of the false starts and odd paths I’ve traveled in my life, I wonder how I could have been so lost, so confused, so aimless. On the worst of these days, I cave in to regret about all the time I’ve lost.  

Of all my regrets, the biggest one is this: I spent too much of my life wanting to be someone else. Like Cinderella’s ugly stepsisters chopping off their toes to fit into a golden slipper, I chopped off pieces of myself in the hopes of fitting into a profession when instead I should have focused on finding what fit me.  

One side of me longed for creativity. Another side of me longed for logic. As a music major, I zeroed in on science. As a science major, I indulged my creative impulse with music and writing. Back and forth I went. Science. Art. Science. Art.

Forcing myself into a mold was exhausting. In a never-ending battle of fear and doubt, I questioned my abilities and the future. In my second year of the developmental biology program, I was hit by a car walking to school. In the aftermath of recovery, as I returned to school, I was forced to confront the reality that I hadn’t found my vocation yet. As a researcher, I was nervous and absentminded, with a habit of going off on tangential literature searches.  

Soon enough, I had to sit down and think about who I was and what I loved to do. I loved the rush of analyzing results. I loved learning about new discoveries. I loved thinking about the big picture.

Most of all, I loved hearing stories about science. My favorite classes were the ones where we learned the stories behind the discoveries. Barbara McClintock toiling in obscurity with her rows of corn as she discovered transposable elements. Hilde Mangold performing the tiny, delicate experiments demonstrating the process of embryonic induction only to die in a gas explosion before her results were published.

Even the scientists around me contained a treasure trove of stories. My adviser at Cornell did her postdoctoral fellowship in Andy Fire’s lab during the years when he performed the experiments demonstrating gene silencing could be triggered by tiny snippets of double-stranded RNA. The lab next door to us had published the paper that laid the foundation for this discovery. During my final semester of college, my favorite class, which I renamed “scientist story time,” featured a tag-team of professors that turned each subject into a story about the scientists behind the discovery.

Eventually, I stumbled onto the idea of science writing and found my way to a writing program where I learned to lean into my storytelling impulse. Once that happened, the puzzle pieces fell into place. The doubt and anxiety disappeared, replaced by the confidence that I’d finally found the career that fit. 

Enjoy reading ASBMB Today?

Become a member to receive the print edition four times a year and the digital edition monthly.

Learn more
Rachel Fairbank
Rachel Fairbank

Rachel Fairbank is a science writer and graduate student in creative writing.

Get the latest from ASBMB Today

Enter your email address, and we’ll send you a weekly email with recent articles, interviews and more.

Latest in Opinions

Opinions highlights or most popular articles

Debugging my code and teaching with ChatGPT
Essay

Debugging my code and teaching with ChatGPT

Oct. 16, 2025

AI tools like ChatGPT have changed the way an assistant professor teaches and does research. But, he asserts that real growth still comes from struggle, and educators must help students use AI wisely — as scaffolds, not shortcuts.

AI in the lab: The power of smarter questions
Essay

AI in the lab: The power of smarter questions

Oct. 14, 2025

An assistant professor discusses AI's evolution from a buzzword to a trusted research partner. It helps streamline reviews, troubleshoot code, save time and spark ideas, but its success relies on combining AI with expertise and critical thinking.

How AlphaFold transformed my classroom into a research lab
Essay

How AlphaFold transformed my classroom into a research lab

Oct. 10, 2025

A high school science teacher reflects on how AI-integrated technologies help her students ponder realistic research questions with hands-on learning.

Writing with AI turns chaos into clarity
Essay

Writing with AI turns chaos into clarity

Oct. 2, 2025

Associate professor shares how generative AI, used as a creative whiteboard, helps scientists refine ideas, structure complexity and sharpen clarity — transforming the messy process of discovery into compelling science writing.

Teaching AI to listen
Essay

Teaching AI to listen

Sept. 18, 2025

A computational medicine graduate student reflects on building natural language processing tools that extract meaning from messy clinical notes — transforming how we identify genetic risk while redefining what it means to listen in science.

What’s in a diagnosis?
Essay

What’s in a diagnosis?

Sept. 4, 2025

When Jessica Foglio’s son Ben was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy, the label didn’t feel right. Whole exome sequencing revealed a rare disorder called Salla disease. Now Jessica is building community and driving research for answers.